Life and Ministry Update

I just got back in Gensan from the most awaited reunion of Campus Missionaries, the ENC Staff Summit. Several of us were recognized for serving fulltime for 5,10 and 15 years in the ministry.

A lot had happened in the past five years!

Sure, I had my most delightful memories with mentors, friends, students and wonderful people I have journeyed with. And as much as I want to highlight that life in ministry is fun, to be truthful: it’s not just that.

I had gone through struggles and trials that I needed to battle alone. I’ve gone through crucibles that tested my resolve to give God my “Yes” and I’ve faced demons whose lies tormented my soul.

I could not count all the times that I found myself frustrated, disappointed and heart broken in the midst of what seemed like a fruitful week of ministry. Not to put my personal life aside, there were sobering but lonely moments when I fought the fear of missing out and what felt like a cursed life of suffering, thoughtfully grumbling of “until when do I have to endure?”.

At my moments of distress, God whispers

near:

“I call. I send. I sustain. I empower even right in the middle of suffering. “

Selah.

Though a life of faith is resting in the goodness of God, is it hard work. Faith is the discipline of the mind mastering a resolve of trusting God no matter whatever while submitting the soul to His will. Prior to the event, I shyly prayed that He would remove any residue of doubt and hesitation to stay on my track as a fulltime campus missionary.

“Your calling is a gift.” When Bishop Jurray Mora said this during our recognition, I was wrecked. Affirmed, I breathed my second wind.

Second Wind - a return of strength or energy that makes it possible to continue in an activity that needs a lot of effort (Cambridge Dictionary)

Grace is available.

Strength shall be renewed in the waiting.

Courage is found in the presence of God.

Peace is freely given to those who ask and come to Him.

This is what I’ve learned through the years - that though the calling is satisfying, life giving, it is life taking. Not that I’m speaking on a negative tone, but oh the ministry has burned me so good! It’s self consuming- a daily form of death. I’m getting only a grasp of what Jesus meant when He called His disciples to Himself. Unless they die to themselves, they can’t follow Him. While it is the same call to die my sins, to take up my cross - embracing my fair share of suffering, this also translated that I have been called to a one way street of no turning back to my dreams and selfish ambitions. My “Yes” to Jesus means a big fat “No” to living a preferably life of comfort, much more pursue the evergreen pasture this world has to offer. Everyday is a surrender to letting go of my potentials in exchange to strongly pursuing only after my purpose of breathing.

I have counted the cost. And I have recounted time and again.

The call will never be sustained by passion, but by the will of God.

The call is not only about fulfilling my potential, but chasing after His purpose.

The call is not just a ministry to the next generation, but to the Lord of All.

Cue Song: Have All of Me (Awake84)

“Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” Matthew‬ ‭16‬:‭24‬-‭26‬ ‭ESV‬‬