Purify my heart, O Lord

Disclaimer: These are my processed yet unfiltered thoughts. I’m putting this out because like David, his psalms were raw and honest. This might not sound like good theology. But I pray this will lead you to God and His heart.

Entering into the 3rd month of the year and I admit that I haven’t completely moved on from all that transpired in 2024. I would have to say - nothing big happened. And maybe, that got me kinda uhhhmmm discouraged. I turned 30 last year and the little me- waited and expected so much to already happen by now. Ministry hasn’t gotten bad, I’ve been productive they say. But life didn’t feel like living. Or so I thought. I was simply floating - going with the flow of my routine and responsibilities. I felt that I have endured much and I felt entitled to be at least rewarded, if not satisfied. Contentment was out of my reach. It’s not supposed to be this way- my soul screamed inside. I have surrendered my all to God, didn’t I? I have let go of control, haven’t I? I have given up my life, my dreams and chase after what I felt called to do, but I am yet left unfulfilled. Maybe, I expected too much from God? Didn’t He promise me a satisfying life?

Purify my heart, O Lord.

Lately, I have been realizing that I have been putting my faith in faith. I have placed my trust in the “process” of “my surrender”. Could it be that my faith wasn’t pure? Was my obedience to God only a means to an end? Was I only after the reward and not really after God’s heart? Did my own heart deceive me? Was I delusional to convince myself that I have been sold out to God when I was really not? Could it be that my love for God has been conditional?

Purify my heart, O Lord.

To love You with all my heart,

To live in obedience to Your will.

To delight in Your presence.

With or without a rewarding life, let my heart want nothing but You.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind and with all your soul and with all your strength [your entire being].”

Deuteronomy‬ ‭6‬:‭5‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Cue: Jesus My Everything by Common Gathering